Dear God...

Dear God,

What is your plan for me? What is your plan for us? Can you tell me what is it? I do have a lot of questions which until now I still can’t figure out the answers for my questions? You said if I ask from you, I’ll be given. I ask in my prayer every day before I sleep but you didn’t answer me. Why? Is it because I am sinful? Is it because I’m not loyal to you? I don’t have enough faith in you? I cried in my little heart, why did I live my life like this? Why can’t I have a better life like the other? Why can’t I have a better life to be proud of? Should I blame myself? I don’t blame you because you created me; you created people in this whole world. You created trees, stone, animals and everything even the day and night. Did you always see me? Did you always put your eyes on me? Every sin that I make will you forgive me? I asked for your forgiveness my Lord; forgiveness in every wrong, every mistake that I did. Every day I set my prayer to you to forgive not only me but my whole family. Did you hear my prayer God?

Dear God,

You saw what happened yesterday. You saw what happened between my families? I wondered if this is part of your plan for us. What can’t I just figured out everything. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t part of this family; I wasn’t part of this world. Sometimes I wished I woke up from my sleep breathless. Can I just suicide myself but will be sit right beside you? Can I? God, did you hear my heart crying? I’m begging you God, will you change our life? Why can’t you just take me so that I will not hurt myself in this world? Is it because I am sinful, you disobey me? You disobey my prayer? Oh my God, why did I blame you for creating me?  How I wished I was not here last night.  How I wished I were still in Shah Alam when this thing happens? Why did you let this thing happened in front of my eyes?

Dear God,

Who will you sent to change me; to change my life? Will I ever change my life and still praise you? I was embarrassed with myself God.  I know that nobody here in this whole world is as perfect as you. You never create someone to be really perfect. Everybody got their own weaknesses and strength. I am not perfect but will I have my strength to go through this life that you’ve prepared for me? God, can’t I just be a fish that swim freely in the water and died when its time? Can’t I just be a flower that bloom beautifully and die when its time? Can’t I just be the water that flows and dried when its time? Can I just be happiness that gives happiness to people that needs me?

Dear God,

Can I just throw him away from our life? Can I just pretend that he wasn’t part of this family? Can I just end up the relationship between us? Can I? Will you allow me to do that? Will you forgive me if I do that? Will I still be your daughter? Will I still have place in your kingdom?

Dear God,

What will my path become? How will you create my pathway? Will you walk me through it? Or you just watch me from your place and let me choose my own path? God, I wondered if I still have changed to bow to you. Will I end up my life here and become like those people who don’t care about you; the people who doesn’t care how sinful they will be? Will I end up my life like that? God, will you gives your hand to me? Will you hold my hand and walk me to your path? God, I am not perfect. My whole life is broken.

Dear God,

Where were you when I needed you? Did I ever seek you in darkness? God, listen to my prayer; listen to the voice of my little heart. Please come to me and lead me to your path my God.

Dear God,

I baked a cake today, but guess what happen; the cake burned. 

Dear God,

Thank you for today. Is it your plan, God? I didn’t feel like I’m sad today but happy inside me.  Did you answer my prayer yesterday Lord? What will my day become tomorrow? Will I still have that little happiness inside me like today? I talked, I laughed and I’m talking to myself today as usual because I’m a loner. I felt empty, God. No body to talk about how I’m grateful every day. But God, I know you do know what I have inside here; my feelings. You know everything about people because you created them. As I was having my dinner just now, there is leftover rice in my plate. I’m full but when I saw the leftover rice, I asked myself, did the rice really cry when we didn’t eat them all?